Single Again?

Feb 27

How would you describe your status? In Facebook-speak, your relationship roller-coaster has been reduced to one word: ‘single.’ But, how do you describe all the feelings: back to feeling like ‘you’ again? Or descending into the depths of depression? Everyone views relationship endings differently depending on why it ended. A relationship can elicit emotions from relief to utter devastation.

However it ended, one point is clear-you will need to move intelligently into the dating world again. Remember:

  • View this time as an opportunity. As corny as it sounds, see the end as a new beginning.
  • Allow yourself time to heal. Don’t jump into dating right away. If you are still mourning the end of your relationship, give yourself space. Chasing the ‘idea’ of a new partner without letting go of the old partner spells disaster. A ‘rebound’ relationship is never fair to you or you’re the other person.
  • Find a comfort zone for your solo act. Learn to define yourself as YOU, not as an extension of someone else.
  • Analyse your past relationship/s. Define what worked and what didn’t. You may need to re-work your idea of the perfect mate.
  • Make sure you keep the ‘why it did not work’ list nearby for those lonely days.
  • Give yourself permission for a makeover. A new haircut, or a redecorated living room, is liberating and re-builds confidence.
  • Get involved with friends; regain balance in your life. Give yourself some ‘moping’ time, and then get out of the house. Experiment with activities you have always wanted to try-rock climbing, parasailing, or wine tasting. You’ll feel accomplished, and new acquaintances may evolve naturally into dating opportunities.
  • Go slowly when you do start dating; take small steps. Make sure you’re healed enough. Keep your newfound balance and confidence.
  • Relax on your dates; allow others to talk. It’s easier to get to know others if you listen. When you do talk, be honest and open. Never play games for attention.
  • Don’t push for a relationship. If you feel confident, you’ll attract the right kind of interest. You’ll never feel that unattractive sense of desperation.
  • Enjoy the journey. Dating can be fun if you don’t weigh it down with the ‘have to find a partner’ agenda.

Get back out there; you know what to do. The more things change, the more they stay the same. That Facebook status will be updated again.

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